Idiot of the Week: Clarence Thomas

2010-01-20T20:54:00.000-08:00

Dear New Readers (all of you, cause this is new!),

A Tale Told by an Idiot will feature an Idiot every week. It comes from the line in Macbeth, "A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing" and sometimes, that idiot will be me, Dan Kitrosser. Other times it will be people like Clarence Thomas, Associate Justice of the Supreme Court.

Clarence Thomas is one of those insanely powerful powerful people we liberals like to think we've mocked into oblivion. He doesn't write that many opinions, doesn't ask that many questions, and is never the swing vote on Supreme Court cases. Okay, okay, we tell ourselves, he's just a schmuck with a robe--so is Hugh Heffner!

But they Clarence write an opinion last week, and it was Hollingsoworth v. Perry, which banned internet and telecasts out of the Prop 8 hearings in California. Summing up the opinion for the majority, Thomas wrote:

"Instead, our review is confined to a narrow legal issue: whether the District Court’s amendment of its local rules to broadcast this trial complied with federal law. We conclude that it likely did not and that applicants havedemonstrated that irreparable harm would likely resultfrom the District Court’s actions. We therefore stay thecourt’s January 7, 2010, order to the extent that it permitsthe live streaming of court proceedings to other federalcourthouses. We do not address other aspects of thatorder, such as those related to the broadcast of court proceedings on the Internet, as this may be premature. "

Througout the opinion, Thomas cites all the harassment Prop 8 supporters have faced since they 'came out' in support of restricting marriage.

God, that has to be so hard to come out against gay marriage. You want to run up to all your gay friends and say, "Hey, it's Me. Nothing's changed, has it? We can still play together, hug, have tickle fights, right?"

And in the beginning, your friends say they're fine with it. "Hey," says one, "my cousin's against gay marriage." And you start beating yourself up for reading in to things, like theway some people stare at you in the supermarket, or when you went to see The Young Victoria and the ticket taker said, "are you sure?" But then, as time went on, there were brunches you weren't invited to, there were concerts where there were "only six tickets left, and I thought you said you didn't like k.d.lang."

And of course, there was the other Prop 8 supporter who everyone said you should hang out with. "He's like you!" they said, "You'll get along great."

"What's that supposed to mean?" you ask.

"Nothing," says one friend, "I just thought you'd be more comfortable with, you know, someone like you."

It's not what the friend said, it's how he said. With a high pitched voice and the flick of his limp wrist.

You find yourself sitting at the same table as the other Prop 8 supporter and your both eating your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. You look over to him and he tries to eat as quickly as possible.

"So," you say, "I guess we both hate gay marriage."

And he looks up at you, jelly caking his lower molars and he says, spewing the sandwhich in his mouth, horrified that you would say this in public, "I don't hate gay marriage--"

"But everyone said that you do--"

"Well they're lying!" He says, "I love gay marriage, I love it so much, I want to go get gay married right now."

"Hey," you say, reaching your arm across the table, "It's okay. I hate it too, I know exactly what you're going through."

He slaps your hand away, "No you don't! Everyone says they do, but no one does. No one knows what it's like..." He trails off. You stand up and walk around the table. He stands up, tears welling up inside. If only he could be honest with himself--everyone knows he's against gay marriage, why can't he just let it out and be himself. Why are there so many pressures in this world to be a crazy caligula? Why can't he just go back to a simpler time before Ellen and Porcia? Why are all these eyes staring at him?

You say "I know what it's like. I'm for Prop 8."

And then, he hits you. He hits you square in the mouth, knocking in your two front teeth. He runs away crying, proving nothing, but saying everything.

You get rushed to the emergency room where they say there's nothing they can do.

"But don't you have fake teeth you can put in?" asks your mom.

"No," says the doctor, "Not for someone who is against gay marriage."

Then, the doctor kills your mother. Your mother. All because you support Prop 8.

*****

I guess what annoys me most of Thomas' opinion is that he aims for "a narrow opinion," which means that he's claiming to only be focused on this issue of whether the California court is legally allowed to broadcast their hearings, but his opinion is based not on rules of order, but on his sympathy for Prop 8 supporters. This isn't "a narrow opinion," this is one that is considering much more than just rules of order. It's the worst kind of opinion, because not only is he wrong, but he's wrong about limiting our access to our courts.

Justice Thomas says broadcasting the hearings would do "irreparable harm" to Prop 8 supporters.

This is an insult gay americans.

It's not new that Justice Thomas is an idiot, and it's not new that he is an idiot with power.

What's new is that Justice Thomas is our Idiot of the Week! Congratulations, Clarence!